Beyond horrific; my story

Brian Merkt, Brian Patrick Merkt, Minnesota Department of Corrections, Scott County Justice System, Linwood Township, Stacy MN, Stacy Minnesota, Shakopee Murder, child rape, child murder, Minnesota Parole Board, Wisconsin Social Services Department, Level II sex offender,Level III sex offender,Sex offender registration, probation violation, sex crime,murder, MN End of Confinement Review Board, Release on Good Behavior, child predator, sex predator, sexual predator warning,child exploitation, adjudicated sexual offenders, sexual offense against a victim who is a minor, sexual offenses committed against children, Sexual conduct, Solicitation to engage in sexual conduct, mandatory life imprisonment, kidnapping, forcible rape, sodomy, maiming of children, PRETRIAL RELEASE, supervised release, victim who is a minor, electronic monitoring, gps monitoring, sexual registration, notification to schools, notification of communities, community notification meeting, sexual offender compliance, release on good behavior

My name is Nicole.

My mother had suggested I write all of you a little story about me, what I've lived through, what I've felt, and how I'm doing to this day. Maybe just for a release, or a bit of self healing, but most of all to tell each and every one of you that actually read this, how badly our court system has failed us, me, and my family.

It's hard to figure out where to start..... When I was just a little girl, I had a 3 year old sister named Mackenzie. I'm sure all of you have heard about her on the news lately or maybe you've only heard about the man who killed her. To all of you she was just another news story. She was my best friend...more my other half. When she died, I died right along with her.

Roughly 19 years ago My mom had met Brian Merkt. We trusted him, he seemed as normal as could be. Our life before Brian had already not been the greatest. We moved into a farmhouse in Shakopee right next to where Valley Fair is now. To this day I haven't been able remember what that house looked like because every memory from when i was little has been blocked ever since she died. I remember bits and pieces but I would do anything to remember more. I did watch the news story (no way would I miss it), and I saw the pictures of the house. I instantly had a wave of heartbreak, weakness, and hatred. I felt paralyzed.

I remembered that staircase, those toys, my old room. God that staircase. I was instantly traumatized again. Just the flash backs of looking at the bottom. March 9, 1996, My mom went shopping with a friend. I didn't feel uncomfortable with Brian watching us. I thought he was a good guy. But hell, what does a five year old know. I remember being told to go upstairs. He kept Mackenzie downstairs. I listened to him only because he seemed angry. And when he got angry it usually was at Mackenzie because she tended to get into more things. He thought spanking (hard) was a good punishment for such things.

Being upstairs I remember hearing her cry. I thought nothing of it. I peeked through the door but remained silent. I didn't want to get in trouble too. Then it was worse than crying. It became screaming. Horrific sad screaming. What does a five year old do? They don't usually stand up to adults. But I got nosy and peeked downstairs.

My dear Mackenzie, I remember the things he did to you. It's funny nobody ever checked the stove for skin cells. I can still see him burning her on the stove (hence the burn marks). He made her perform oral forcing her so badly she started puking. Then he held her down and raped her. When she fought back he smashed her head against the wall hard, two times detaching her brain. He brought her to the bathtub after Mackenzie had lost consciousness to hide the evidence OBVIOUSLY!

He used very cold water which I know probably made things worse. Hypothermia which was why her body was only at 86 degrees. He laid her on the floor downstairs, naked, made it look like an accident and still to this day won't admit to the rape and has no regrets about what he did. I remember now and the hell if I will EVER forget now. Having those memories be blocked for 18 years then remembering it all at once. You will never understand how much guilt I feel.

I never got to say much in court. Mackenzie never got her

justice. Brian is free and roaming a quiet peaceful neighborhood full of little girls now.

I will never be able to remember Mackenzie's voice, what she looked like aside from the few pictures we have of her. But I have never forgotten his face or his voice or the gruesome things he did to my baby sister. How unfair can life be?! If I could I would take his life with my own hands but I am so much better than that.

After all the trials and custody arrangements, since I was taken away from my mom not long after Mackenzie was murdered. I had to go to many many therapists....still to this day to be honest. All because of him.

I was diagnosed with PTSD, Severe Anxiety, Major Depression, and OCD. I was a normal kid before all of this. I used to have night terrors so bad after I was taken from my mom. I would wake up screaming and crying everynight because I would dream about him. She was the one person I needed through all of this and I wasn't allowed to see her.

Brian lives comfortably and feels no remorse, while I've been living in a mental hell. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her. I have so many bad memories but all the good ones are lost.

I've been struggling lately. The thought of Brian being out and about scares the hell out of me. When he got out of prison, I was afraid to leave the house. Funny being one of the victims and only witness to that day, he gets to live not much more than 30 minutes from where I live now.

The people in his town are terrified for their children. I am terrified for them and myself. He stated on LIVE TV that he does not regret a thing. So how does that not make you feel like he won't do it again. What a joke. The police are supposed to protect US not HIM. Well frankly, he deserves what ever he gets because I bet many people would love to get their hands around his neck but why stoop to his level.

What would be even better is if one person could re-open that file and dig. Technology was crap back then. Everyone knows he made up that story. I know my sister didn't get raped by a crayon. That is the stupidist thing I have ever heard in my life. What kind of jury believes that? I know the judge didn't believe him one bit.

I would give my life if it meant bringing her back. She was the sweetest little girl you would ever know. She would just melt your heart. There have been many times where I've wished he would have taken me instead. When I was in high school there were times I've tried to join her because of the sadness and guilt I've had to live with my whole life.

Why should I have to be the one living in my own prison. I didnt kill anyone. I didn't rape anyone. I didn't get free food and housing for eighteen years. Where is the justice in this?? I see none.

I know this is all a bit jumbled, but like I said before, I don't know where to start. So many things that I want to say, but it doesn't feel right to talk to just talk about me. People need her story because I am the only one who knows it.

He is and always will be a Monster.


~ Nicole Bussiere